Today, during IGN Live, we got our first real look at the Borderlands movie, and folks, I’m not sure this is going to be very good.
Based on the popular looter shooters developed by Gearbox and published by 2K Games, Borderlands was first announced all the way back in 2020. The movie is being directed by Eli Roth and has been in production hell for years now. But finally, our long national nightmare is almost over as Borderlands arrives in theaters on August 9. Sadly, I’m not sure its going to be worth the wait based on a scene released earlier today during IGN Live’s Day 1 showcase.
In the new scene, we see Roland (Kevin Hart), Lilith (Cate Blanchett), Tiny Tina (Ariana Greenblatt), Kireg (Florian Munteanu), and Claptrap (voice by Jack Black) in a dark underground facility filled with boxes and not many lights. It’s hard to see what’s happening.
This is supposed to be an action-packed sequence from a major motion picture, but it feels more like a pre-recorded skit from a so-so episode of Saturday Night Live. Enemies get shot and just fall down with no blood or gore, characters move around slowly even though this is meant to be a fast-paced sequence, and all of this is done to generic music that you’ll forget about the moment the scene ends.
The Bad:
No Marcus narration. How are they so out of touch with the source material to miss THAT one? And there’s like… five guns. And while I like all the actors, what the hell are they doing playing those characters? Claptrap already had a voice, and it sure wasn’t jack black. Poop jokes. They’d be fine if they were, you know, funny. But they weren’t. How do you fuck up a poop joke?? The absolute lack of a coherent timeline that follows the canon. How is Tiny Tina the most subdued performance in the whole trailer? WHERE THE HELL ARE LILITH’S TATTOOS? Why are the cars so… lame? Why is the part where the narration says “Weirdest and most dangerous world” playing over a shot of random boulders? Why is Roland being played by a comedian? Where the hell is Zer0? Mordecai? HANDSOME JACK? Chris Sabat isn’t listed on the cast so we’re not getting Mr. Torgue. There’s no vending machines. This fight is so rough it looks like I choreographed it. NO HAMMERLOCK.
The Good:
Florian Munteanu (Krieg) doesn’t have a shirt on.
The Bad Again:
This movie isn’t 1hr30min of Florian Munteanu not wearing a shirt and hitting things. Preferably in slow motion, and glistening. Maybe throw in some cute Pandorian animals, too. How cute must a baby skag be? I don’t know, but I want to find out the answer.
I mean come on you could do ANYTHING with this, a feature length movie just of Granny Flexington’s Story Corner would be lauded as one of the best troll moves in history. Sure, I’d go and throw a brick through Gearbox’s windows for that, but I’d make sure nobody was behind said window first. … Probably.
Both this clip and the first clip emphasize the same poop joke. And that’s a problem. Somehow they’ve managed to make poop jokes in Borderlands a problem.
And keep in mind this is the scene the producers and people involved thought was good enough to debut online. This is what they are selling the movie on. This is their big “Take a look at this and get excited!” clip. If that’s the case, well, I fear for the rest of the movie.
Sums it up pretty well. I’m just astounded by how awful this is going to be. This looks bad enough I’m not even going to hate watch it, just… just no.
It’s okay. I played Borderlands 3 with voices off, only sfx/background sounds/music. I’m sure I can do the same with this. Maybe turn picture off too while I’m at it.
Link to the trailer
“from the producer of uncharted, spider-man and venom”
i feel like i can guess which version of spider-man
What’s funny is that when the producer is mentioned in trailers I always think “Ok so the director is an unknown person and they’re the one who has the most influence so it must not be great…”
Original Doom movie’s getting a sequel? Idk at what stage they are, but it’s probably the best they have at the moment.
