Sometimes I think about the person I am and think to myself, why? Why can’t I just be like everyone else? I hate the person I am. Why am I so different to everyone else?
I’ve been thinking a lot about god recently. Buddha, Allah and Christ If there is one and why would he design me the way he did? Sometimes I feel like I was never made for this world. I have so many things wrong with me I feel like I’m broken. I have two personality disorders, an intellectual disability and speech impediments. Why would a god make me like this? I can’t fit in my existence is socially unacceptable. I made a thread the other day asking the question of why NPD is so stigmatized and the comments where so hateful. They where saying I’m manipulative, dangerous and abusive just I have a mental health problem that is completely beyond my control. Non of these idiots have ever met me or know what I’m like yet were saying all these awful things about me. God knows what your average person believes. I have friends and family I love but I’m worried about how they would react if they found out. Why can’t people see beyond my diagnosis and understand that I’m a person like anyone else who has problems. I’m seeing this guy. I known about him for a year now and we’ve been on two dates and planning on more. I love him to bits and want nothing more than to be with him. I’ve been researching him for a while. Finding out his interests and hobbies so I can make it work. I hope I can make an impression on him so if he does found out he can look beyond all the media hype and love me for who I am.
I just want people to like me. Why would a god give me something so stigmatized? I honestly just wish I had never been born in the first place.
It’s not about having a diploma it’s about having so many restrictions on what I can or can’t do. There has been many times where I’ve been interested in something but I didn’t have the mental ability to do it. I remember in school how I needed to put in all my effort just to catch up with the other kids. When I was a teen I had to come to terms with the fact I may never be as advanced as everyone else no matter how hard I tried.
Well then that’s maybe not the road you should take? Everyone can’t be everything they want to. The trick is finding something that you can do. Maybe you’re good with people, organizing, the arts, fighting, decorating, hiking, fishing, riding, reading, there is literally thousands of “valid” things out there.
Edit: I have known people who couldn’t add 3/4 and 3/4 and they were fine.