[I awaken as a shadow of my former self, a figment of the late-night scroller you met so long ago. I return to you now, humbled and broken by time and nature, and in my defeat I must profess that In my state I find myself unfit to take up the weight of the banner which I swore to bear.]
Yes, the very same Brock Allen Turner, convicted rapist of an unconscious woman behind a dumpster, who only served three months.
Not to worry, there’s still more than enough Great Wall of China to go around.