“I UNDERSTAND that one time you saw YOUR MOTHER wearing CLOTHING. The HORROR of it. THE DRAPING FABRIC. THE DELICATE EMBROIDERY. The WAY it BUNCHED UP AROUND HER. I cannot begin to FATHOM how DISGUSTING it must have been for you. TO SEE YOUR MOTHER THERE in CLOTHING. This is not the kind of thing I like to imagine. The FOLDS and GUSSETS and BUTTON HOLES. Imagine your mother PUTTING HER CLOTHING ON, thrusting her STUBBY FINGERS through her BUTTON HOLES as she DRAPES HERSELF IN FABRIC. And when she was done she LOOKED IN A MIRROR…”

I am ugly laughing at this. Well done.

maybe this will work

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linting and unit tests

Also, apparently the party of “humans can affect climate”.

This dovetails nicely with my theory that Jesus hasn’t come back yet because we invented the nailgun.

Bones is, as usual, thrilled to be there.

This is my favorite thing I’ve seen today.

Nah it’s just flat-out racist. C’mon, people.

A thing that hallucinates uncompilable code but somehow convinces your boss it’s a necessary tool.

Pretty sure Jesus was a stoner and party monster. He was always getting invited to rich guys’ houses for dinner and the Pharisees always accused him of being drunk when he argued with them. His favorite woman was a lady of negotiable affection. Plus, only a stoner could come up with “yeah but, you’ve got a whole log in your eye, maaaan.”

Why they gotta do Marika dirty like that?

Next steps: remove roof, re-submit as “Red convertible (compact).”

I always forget about that. Also we call anoraks “windbreakers”, which…

Sometimes my mom calls a fanny pack a strap-on. This is like that.

Pretty much yeah. I was going to say an episode of Fear Factor but same thing.

If you read it the right way, the book of Jonah reads like a really weird episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Yeah. Also, superficially good looking people can still be sketchy weirdos. Vibe, context, and prior relationship are much more important than looks. Of course, some people can’t get their head around this and start blaming literally anything else: their height, their bone structure, a worldwide conspiracy against them. It’s crazy.

Or, like, make mana fall from heaven or give the pastors the occasional plague of quail to handle food requirements.

I became a dad late (around middle age) and was telling dad jokes way before that. My theory is it’s less about becoming a father and more about getting older and just wanting to annoy people for my own amusement.

He found it in the wilderness? That seems easy to narrow down and verify.