I am horrified and somewhat embarrassed that I understood what all that stuff was.

the US government has enough computing power to decrypt your internet traffic even if you use a VPN

No. Not even slightly.

I see you are completely unfamiliar with any of the issues here. I appreciate they are complex, but I don’t have the time or patience to educate you right now, even assuming you’re willing to learn.

You realise that all electronic currencies will necessarily involve transaction logs stored in someone else’s computer? Even Zcash and monero, which have clever anonymous transactions, allow selective disclosure of the details of those transactions if you ever find yourself at the wrong end of a criminal investigation or tax audit. Moreover, their anonymity guarantees are not perfect (the IRS has certainly paid big bucks to chainalysis for de-anonymisation, for what that’s worth).

Unless someone magically invents a software artefact that can’t be duplicated (don’t hold your breath, I’m serious about the magic) there’s no escape from this fundamental requirement.

So I realise that this is very euro-centric and the majority of people on earth don’t get this sort of convenience, but… fast and easy interbank transfers and contactless debit and credit card payments just do all the stuff that most people want out of electronic cash, and transaction logs are a small price to pay for a substantial reduction in risk.

The problem isn’t just the nature of blockchains, the problem is the uses to which such systems will be put. The explosion in ransomware fuelled by bitcoin et al isn’t something that can be replicated with physical cash at the same scale, for example (consider why you want electronic cash in the first place). Similarly, the need to “be your own bank” will always expose you to a greater risk of fraud and theft and loss, because being a bank is harder than people seem to think.

The technology involved is (almost) irrelevant.

Happily there are plenty of good examples of how such a system would work in practise… Web3 is Going Just Great, Attack of the 50 Foot Blockchain or Amy Castor perhaps.